Depression when I write

I have been pretty depressed for a few years now. I am not sure what is wrong with me or if there even is anything wrong with me. It appears that this is just the normal decline in joy that occurs in everyones life but I'm not sure how to accept this fact of aging. Anways...

A few more people from my story have committed suicide. Sometimes it feels like my life is being narrated by Wes Craven or something. I mean, my life is pretty shitty and I haven't taken the easy way out. Why is is so easy for other people to do it? I mean, don't they know how much shit they leave behind for their loved ones to deal with? Not to sound inhumane, but after a while the sympathy is eradicated and the disappointment just starts to set it. I could follow the same path and just piss everyone off. Make everyone wonder why drove this man to the edge. What pushed him so far that he just couldn't stomach another breath of beautiful air and see another beautiful sunset over an ocean. He would really give all of that up just to make you wonder? Thats some pretty fucked up shit if you ask me. I know I can be devilish, but that is just another kind of evil. Anyways, I'm thankful my suicidal thoughts is mere comedy. The end all of end all's would be worst for me. Having to be around all those ass holes in hell for eternity? I'll take my chances with this stupid living people...