New Ends

So it is about 7:00 am in the morning, the day after Friday the 13th. I woke up feeling a bit sick to my stomach due to the meat I've been eating lately. I always feel sick when I eat meat.
Once I gained full conscience, I started watching “The Secret” on my laptop. A co-worker recommended it to me a few weeks ago and told me it was one of his favorite movies. Unfortunately, the movie got me to thinking, I haven't had a girlfriend in over a year now. I am starting to think there is something really wrong with me and my personality. I've been talking to a few girls lately online and on the phone. Some seem to show some genuine interest in me but I am still a bit confused on what the interest could be. I am not trying to think less of myself, but my life seems like it is a mess right now and I ca not imagine how anyone would see any potential in me right now.
The worst thing is, all these girls are having the same exact gripes about me! They don't think I open up enough. Its kinda weird because I used to be a completely open book and a crazy social butterfly. I get really bummed out when I hear this over and over again. I don't really know how to morph back into my old self again. I remember my ex girlfriend used to say the exact same thing to me when we were getting near the end of our relationship.
Well, anyways, this is my blog. This is my story. I will try to document as much of my life as honest and real as possible. Today is going to be the first day of the rest of my life. In the last couple of days I have accomplished a few things and I also have a few things I want to accomplish in the next year!

1.Vowed to not buy more than 1 pair of shoes per every 2 months
2.Quit cigarettes 2 days ago and will actually stick with it this time
3.I am going to try to pay off all of my bills by New Years of 2010
4.I will try to become more social and hold a positive light in my work environment
5.I will try to meet new people in the bay area. (People that have goals and actually care)
6.I am going to try and lose 15-25 pounds and epically change my diet
7.I am going to try to stray away from movies and focus more on reading books and researching
8.I am going to get more involved in volunteer work and try to make a difference in the world

Well this is going to be really hard for me to do, because I really enjoy my privacy and I have never done anything like this in my life.

Image of something beautiful

So I have tried many times to continuously maintain a blog but for one reason or another, I start to fade away from them. I think over the past few weeks and months, I've had a lot bottled up inside and I need to find ways to express them and get them our of me. Anyways, my week has been pretty stressful. I've on my 20 something straight day of work. It feels like I am married to my job and she is a very jealous bitch. I really can't complain I guess; a lot of people are not fortunate enough to have a job in these rough economic times.
I've been trying to find ways to have some kind of a life when I am away from the job. I started buying books (which I usually never open), started writing poetry, and even started whoring myself out on a few dating sites. All of these steps, is just my way of trying to become normalized. Most people seem to have their routines and I still feel like I'm lacking that in my life. Anyways, to keep it semi-short, I am really trying to find ways to restructure my life and build something beautiful. I know this post seems like I'm complaining a lot but I'm really just trying to fix myself. I feel like I'm broken, lonely and on a route to no where...